Demon of Lust for Love, My Battle

Chapter 2 - Longing to be Beautiful
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I never felt very confident growing up. 

Even as a little girl I struggled with feeling ugly and un-appealing…standing beside my friends, I felt like the invisible girl. 

It was like my own living version of Pinocchio…I longed to be seen as a real girl…beautiful, like a flower. 

Looking back, I realize now that this is where it all began.  I was overweight throughout school.  I never expected a guy to be interested in me. 

I saw myself as un-attractive and undesirable…the girl who slipped unnoticed through those crowded halls, but who many times cried in the bathroom stall when nobody was around.  I was lonely and desperate to be recognized as a woman. 

I longed for male approval. 

I dreamed of someday having a guy look at me with longing eyes, touch my cheek and drink me in with his gaze, as he poured adoring words over me.  Oh how I wanted this…

Walking the Road Most Traveled

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I continued to struggle with my low self-worth…in fact it only grew worse and worse. 

I felt terrible about myself every time I felt rejected by a guy or saw a pair of eyes scan me with disapproval.  

I began punishing myself for not being more…for not being thinner, or prettier or more outgoing. 

Those thoughts that I allowed in my mind were affecting how I saw myself. 

The Whisper of Real Love…

One afternoon an amazing surprise came my way. 

I was lying there on my bed, feeling cold and numb inside for allowing myself to slip into the black cloud yet again. 

I gazed out my window and thought about what a terrible person I was becoming, allowing myself to fall once again into waves of my pathetic self-pity. 

That’s when I heard it - my name. My name echoed through my mind like a sweet song.  You know in a movie...one the character has a slow-motion, magical moment when they realize they're okay?Well that was my moment.  

It was simple, yet it vibrated my worth like a refreshing vision within my mind.Realizing this love changed a part of me.  

It was a whisper of more that I would discover about my worth, and it was fantastic!

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