Between Lust for Love and Love 7

Chapter 7 - A Dark Place
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It was a frighteningly late hour when we pulled up to his house.  The sky was dark with winter clouds, hiding any chance of starlight.  It was chilly and my stomach flipped as he opened my car door.  What was I doing?  I knew I was being foolish, but my seizing pain caused me to shake the caution away.

The man in gray was strangely quiet as we walked to the front door.  I laughed nervously.  “So this is where you live then?”  He smiled and opened the door.  It was very dark. 

I could not see.  It smelled dank as if closed up for quite some time.  I began to change my mind.  I turned abruptly “I think maybe I should go…”  In turning I ran into him.  He was warm, his arms gently touched me.  “Don’t go.”  He whispered.  “It’s cold out there…don’t think so much.  Didn’t your daddy ever teach you life is short?” 

His words were calm but triggered the deep rooted pain in my heart.  I leaned up, desperate for love, and kissed him.  At first he acted unresponsive to my kiss, almost smug and aloft.  I tried harder to draw his attention to me, and he laughed almost mockingly, deep and quiet; at the same time he whispered in my ear...

"I can see why your boyfriend left you.”

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I pulled away, stunned with pain.  “Please take me home.”  He raised his eye brows.  “Hey, it was just a little joke.”  I walked towards the door and he reached for me, kissing me passionately.  Tears poured down my cheeks.  I fought at first but gave in, longing…starving for love. 

He pulled away sharply.  “Man, I’m taking you home.  I have too much to do tonight.  Come on!”  His voice frightened me as he jerked open the door and walked towards his car.  I slid into the seat, silent and stunned.  He drove sharply off and shrieked up in front of the coffee house where my car sat now covered in snow.

I went to open my door, and his hand flew over and stopped me.  “You’ve got to toughen up, sweetie” he said, his face suddenly looking wholesome and endearing. “I was trying to make this fun, but you just wouldn’t let that happen. 

Loosen up and maybe next time we’ll have a good time.” 

I looked into his eyes with complete confusion, my mind vulnerable and spiraling out of control.  My heart continued to break inside of me, and I longed for just an ounce of comfort from the night.  As if reading my thoughts the man in gray slowly leaned towards me and kissed me gently. 

“I will be here tomorrow,” he said.  I, dazed, nodded and opened my door.  “Goodnight baby,” he said as I walked toward my car.  He sped away.  

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That night…I dreamed

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I didn’t see anything at first. It was calm and when I looked around me it was like that quiet darkness just before dawn.

Then just in the distance I saw the faintest glow, like a small splinter of light rising slowly on the horizon. It was the sun. The sky turned to an orange and pink hue; the air was so fresh. The sun was now a brilliant gold, washing over me; every crevice of my face felt warmed by the touch.

The wind was calm but growing stronger, beginning to blow my hair and caressing the blades of the grass around me. 

I looked into a stream, caressing its stillness with ripples echoing out...

My face was there...still, calm, peering back at me...like a silent whisper of who I was to be.  I was lovely...brave...astonishingly powerful.

I woke, lying in my bed...quiet and mystified, watching the ceiling fan blades above spin around and around like the broken carousel of my love starved heart.

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