They came again…haunting me, those painful
visions that wouldn’t let me go.
I lay in my bed, longing simply to sleep,
longing for peace in the night; my hands covered
my face as his face danced around in my mind,
his words cutting my heart like tiny blades,
each time the pain of it never losing its bite.
I couldn’t forget him…I couldn’t forget
those times we shared, those moments that seemed
now burned in the recesses of my very heart.
He was gone, and everything about me knew this,
and everything in my life had adjusted
themselves to this truth, but my mind; my mind
behaved as a delusional child, running back time
and time again to a shadow of a friend who was
no longer there.
It would be hard to count the number of nights
that my memories plagued me, memories of his
face, of his laugh, of his touch…all of him.
He was still living but all that remained for me
was a ghost of his essence, tightly wrapped
inside the folds of my memories.
We were close friends, watching out for
each other for so very long…and then suddenly it
was as if we were enemies, fighting to keep our
own ground, even if the other drown.
We all have painful memories in our hearts…of
times when we were deeply hurt and wounded by
past events, past loved ones, past situations.
It’s such a funny thingbecause
for a while it feels as though we’re doing just
fine moving on. Like in my life, I
developed new ambitions and dreams for myself,
and pushed myself harder than ever to achieve
them. I was proud of myself and held my
head up high in my new found strength.
Wouldn’t you know, for me, it was as is always
at night…when I lay my head on my pillow and
stare into the dark; those memories I thought I
had peacefully put to rest long ago come
floating to the fore-front of my mind, filling
my heart with sadness and my mind with
This is the time when lies would come…lies that
I wasn’t really anything great, that he leaving
me proved that. Lies that I was fooling
myself thinking I would ever be successful…those
nasty little lies would always come and start
chipping away at my confidence, my self-esteem
and my self-love.
So what did I do?
Well, let me tell you something…it felt for a
long time NOTHING worked to defeat this vicious
Knowing that I had no weapon left to try, I
cried out to God, my Creator, the one who made
When I did this, all perspective of my life
began to change. In those moments it
wasn’t that big of a deal anymore if others
didn’t approve of me…if no one in the world
esteemed me. God approved of me…God loved
me…God valued me…God’s heart beat for me…and I
would never ever be alone because He is always
I don’t know what your faith is, I don’t know
what you believe, or don’t believe.
But I hope, if you are in a difficult place and
time…that you will try it. Try talking to
I can’t tell you this in any other way other
than that if you are open to Him, you will find
an intoxicating peace to your storms unlike any
you have ever felt before.
Letting go of past memories…it’s hard; giving
these memories to God, letting Healing pour in,letting
your beautiful identity come to life again…that
So when you’re lying in bed, and your mind and
your heart are tortured…speak over yourself that
you will make it through, that you will see the
morning light renewed, and thatyou
were made to be loved…always…even in your