How to Handle a Breakup
We saw the end coming for a while…the end of our relationship that is.
And though over the past few years the break had been initiated on both our ends more times than I can count, the final leg break occurred with a snap.
Tempers flew, hate reigned and my heart sobbed for him. The final days flew by in a surreal manner, the final hours blurring together like the violent colors of a blaring kaleidoscope. I felt sick, no appetite in sight. For days a looming sorrow hung over me as I almost seemed to cease existing.
Purpose and hope drained from my body as if it was my very blood. I didn't know how to Handle a Breakup like this. My heart never knew this kind of splintering pain before. Was there any relief in sight?
It had only been a week or so since we broke it off, and we were alone together for the first time since then.
I remember it; there was rain falling. My whole being was resonating with love and hate for him, like a bi-polar heart beat that didn’t know which way to beat. My breaking heart longed for some kind of relief, just a singular moment to make the pain go away.
He looked at me…his eyes said it all.
All of the chapters and volumes neither of us ever knew how to say. We were starved to connect, somehow, some way. Where had the old days gone? Like paper flying out of a truck, how can I even try to trace where those days flew.
It was a quick jest, a smart comment, a hungering in me for his touch, for connection
like an ugly baby crying for love.
He leaned in to kiss me. I wanted it so bad, all of him. ALL OF HIM! My heart screamed. I immediately woke up from my trance.
My heart withered inside, retreating back into its cage. “No, we can’t do this again. I want all of you, not just this.” My voice trembled as I pushed him away from my longing touch.
It’s only been two weeks, but I miss him.
A song I like pretty much sums up how I feel: ‘My lovers gone…his boots no longer by my door. He left at dawn…and as I slept I felt him go. Returned no more. Why do I watch the ocean? My lovers gone…no earthly ship will ever bring him home again.’
I realize her guy DIED…but still, break-ups don’t feel much different. I mean you’re looking at an intimate situation that just, I don’t know, evaporates seemingly overnight, just like death.
And knowing they will never return to you again…only its worse because it’s not like they ship wrecked in some gallant storm. No, they just don’t want to come back to you.
So here I sit, pitifully, ridiculously in my own mind. My head and stomach have been reeling for, well, two weeks, like when first getting off a nauseously fast ride and having to then walk. It’s a strange feeling.
I never thought I would be the one sitting in my own tears, but yes, I’m sad. It’s like banging my head against a brick wall, hoping somehow it will magically move and become part of my house.
Argh…how ridiculous can one get. Alwell
It has been a painful road, lonely and sorrowful; at times heart wrenching.
Though it will take time for my heart to catch up to the truth and heal, my mind clearly sees and understands. Sometimes we must accept that there is better for us out there, not in the sense of supreme but rather in the respect that there is a much better fit down the road for us.
So though our heart may want to linger in the
familiar, we must boldly move on to the next
chapter of our lives. How to handle a
breakup and move on is one of the most powerful,
strengthening moments we will ever receive in
life and can have tremendous potential to make
us nothing short of amazing.
Breaking up is painful, most often for one more so than the other, so how do you get through it and out alive?
Though it will take time to unweave your heart from their's, release them to their destiny.
Wish them joy and happiness and ask God to bless them in more amazing ways than they could ever dream. Bring your broken heart to God, the ultimate healer.
Sometimes it’s that final painful break that is necessary to move on to the things we were meant for. Rev up your dreams and your vision. Purposefully indulge your heart in dreaming again.
Re-open that box of “relationship chocolates”
and taste each one, telling God which are your
favorite characteristics in a man and let
yourself dream big. Walk boldly,
beautifully and feel the excitement of a new
day. I promise that time will make it
I don’t harbor any blame towards him anymore.
I understand the reality of the situation…and it’s very real. All those memories are now coming back…all those moments where I would even see tears in his eyes as he said to me “I’m giving you all that I can, all that I am capable.”
Now I understand. Now I can let go. Now I can see truth through the smoked illusions of my emotional pain, and know that he did care for me.
He gave all he could and it wasn’t enough, and it’s okay.
I can walk away free, beautiful and complete…worthy of love and all of those rainbow dreams in my heart.
I understand now that I have not been slighted at all; but quite the opposite. I was blessed to be with a man that recognized he could not give me what I would need. And he gave me an act of love, because he valued me enough to let me go. I could not ask any more from a break-up than the beautiful gesture that it is.
I can lay my sword down; I don’t have to feel threatened to prove my worth. I am valuable and loved more than I probably will ever know. There is no more need to fight, for nothing has been lost, only hope gained.
My heart is indeed still beating, dreaming and
whole…only now stronger than ever before.