How to get Confidence
We’ve all been there before. It was high school, and I was fat. I remember too clearly meandering down those crazy halls, like a herd of cattle, frantically pushing towards the gate. I remember I wore long skirts and dresses every day, more meant for Sunday school than high school. I remember my frizzy hair, which I always kept tightly pulled on top of my head.
I remember having huge feet which I was embarrassed of in the locker room, and large thighs that slapped together when I ran for P.E. I constantly had girls put me down with their looks and guys whisper behind my back that I was fat.
I was familiar with being a bit of a reject. So needless to say, you can probably guess that my self-image…was not great. I didn’t know back then that I was allowed to like myself, even as I was. Like most teenagers, I put tons of needless pressure and disapproval upon myself, having no clue that honestly, I was great!
I will never forget that one class moment that gave me the first glimmer of hope in myself. Sitting in P.E., a new girl who was also over-weight and very rough and tough around the edges, was paired into my study group for the hour. I remember my heart went out for her as I could see she was used to being an unwanted out-cast.
I decided in that moment, that I would do everything in my power to make her feel important and accepted. I confidently looked her in the eye with a smile, inviting her to sit near me, and proceeded to help her go through our study list. Her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree over this simple small gesture.
I will never forget how she looked at me, with so much respect and admiration…like I was her hero. For the rest of the class time she boasted to the other girls about me and how great I was as a person. This moment shook my world. I began to realize the first key in how to get confidence.
I have spent innumerable moments peeling this experience as well as other experiences down to the naked bone in an effort to try to make sense of them. What caused such a shift in my paradigm, even just for a moment, taking me from invisibly sitting outside the social wall…to leading the campfire meeting?
What made that awkward girl that I was at the time, momentarily bloom and shine? What catapulted me outside of my comfort zone to achieve this amazing moment in time?
Quite simply, I was moved…deeply moved by a similarly broken heart. This stirred enough passion in me to push my own personal fears and protective walls aside and dive in after her. I was determined, if only just for a moment, to help keep her afloat. Feeling this gave me a fresh realization on how to get confidence, walk in it and keep it.
It was the petite mother lifting a car off of her child phenomena; a rush of purpose and will that steamrolls over any fear in its path to accomplish the objective. This was the shift in my paradigm.
What moves you? What types of events or situations propel you out of your own mind and into hero mode? We all have a trigger that causes our own personal shifts in paradigm.
Think back into your life when something deeply moved you, when someone or even some place stirred you deep inside, awakening your inner power house.
This understanding unlocks a treasure trove of understanding of ourselves…helping us unlock who we are and showing and building the immense amazement of our individuality. It reveals to us our inner strength in a new light and allows us to tap into it in our weakest of moments…revealing insurmountable inner strength, showing us how to get confidence in measures we have never dreamed of before.
So you find yourself at work, and the inner hero sense just isn’t kicking in today.
You’re about to walk into a room full of your co-workers and some outside guests. Your stomach begins to turn over in nervous fear of their reaction to you. Do you look okay? Will they accept your jokes? Does your hair look weird? Does your breath smell? Suddenly you are feeling overwhelmed with self-doubt.
You're about to open the door and it feels like you're about to walk into a coliseum filled with hungry lions. Okay, now stop. Don’t turn that door knob yet. Just wait a second and breathe. Imagine everyone in there in your mind, but instead of imagining them in their underwear like you would on stage giving a speech, imagine this instead.
Let yourself realize their humanity; their own hidden flaws and insecurities. Let yourself comprehend that that same guy/girl who always seems to intimidate you, also has moments where they feel very alone on this earth.
Just like you, they have moments when they don’t like how they look, and they have insecurities, though hidden well, the same as you do. Now focus your mind on a strong memory where you aced a situation, where you really shined. Okay, walk into that room.
Maybe you’re saying…but I don’t feel confident.
How am I supposed to make it look like I am?
Margaret Thatcher: “Why do people always ask me how I am feeling? More importantly, why aren’t they asking me what I know?”
Our “feelings” are not our best compass to navigating through life’s social games.
Though they prove to be wonderful assets for empathizing and understanding others, our emotions many times play games with the reality that we truly walk. Know and hold on tightly in your mind to the amazing things you know you are.
Know that every single human being on earth brings a unique and wonderful part to the human existence and stand confidently in knowing that there is not another like you in existence. So until you truly can feel the confidence of your own self-image…take this time to simply rest in knowing your incomparable worth.
Put a smile on your face, force your head up high, and bluff that confident stride, even if all you feel is fear. Repeat, every single day, and look into others' eyes in wonder of how amazing we all are as people.
Rinse and repeat this exercise and before you know it, others eyes will be catching the contagion of your incurable, unbreakable self-worth.
Just imagine…self-imagine…and be amazed.