Between Lust for Love and Love 11a

Author's Intermission

Movies are fiction

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Films love to stretch the truth…they write it out and tweak it and mold it and reformat it until the scene has the dramatic emphasis they want. Than we watch it, we mold it into our minds and somehow we expect our lives to work out just like the movie just showed.

For instance, the action character can dodge every bullet and every bomb; the teenager can hack and scam and never experience serious repercussions. But here’s the one that gets me the most: trading sex for lasting love over and over and over again.

We may tell ourselves we have, but what we do is we make ourselves numb just a little more each time. ‘Chivalry is dead.' or so goes the song. The truth is, we don’t really see ourselves as that one and only worth slaying demons for.

Our hearts are devalued by society as a whole...but more powerfully, they are forsaken by our own selves.

Back to the Courtroom

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The grey man smiles at me, sharply knowing his power.  I begin to feel that it’s he that is the greatest measure of what I deserve; he is all the love that I need.

The Defendant looks into my eyes. He tries to bring my senses back into the present but I'm locked away inside of my own mind. A vision of the open meadow with the sunlight pouring through comes to focus for a moment, but quickly it drains away as the lies fill hungry thoughts.

What if that meadow isn’t as good as it looks, what if it isn't real? Finally I let go completely of the image of the sunshine coming through and block out the smell of the rich roses.

The gray mans’ gaze carries me farther and farther into a place where I feel safe and sure. “Nothing can be better, don’t give it up.” His voice whispers to my ears. I give in completely to his words. It feels so freeing, so familiar, so certain.

Unexpectedly, Enmity sharply shifts his gaze from me and looks away. I fight not to lose the security and look desperately with empty eyes, trying desperately to re-connect to his face in some way, but he pretends I no longer stand before him.

My heart breaks as I feel lost in a whirlwind of confusion and brokenness…my body grows numb. Once again I stand lost and alone, as evidence for true love quickly slips like sand in an hour glass out of my hands once again, landing onto the cold harsh floor of reality's grasp.

 

CHAPTER 12

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