Suddenly the court room doors open and through
them walk the Defendant.
He is dressed in a white suit, his face is calm
and watchful, his steps echoing humility and
strength. You hear the judge as he speaks
with his advisor. “Who is this walking
up?” The Adviser whispers back: “I
believe that is the Defendant sir.”
The judge ruffles his eyebrows. “Defendant
of what, of Enmity?” The Adviser opens his
notes. “No sir. It appears it is the Defendant
of the young woman seated over there” he points
at me. The judge nods.
I turn around and watch as the Defendant comes
through the court gate, approaching
the judges’ desk
with focus in his eyes as he speaks. “Sir,
I am here to say that the case has not yet been
won.” The audience murmurs as the brave
Defendant approaches the bench where the witness
is still seated.
The witness is unsure what to make of him and
draws back slightly in fear of being proven
wrong. But the Defendant only looks into
her eyes…the look is gentle and full of peace.
Without words he then walks to the courtroom
window and opens the dark shudders.
Sunlight floods in and consumes the witness with
its light. She watches in awe as he does
this but than tilts her head downwards.
She believes it’s not for her; it’s not a place
where she can go.
The smell of roses blows through the courtroom
and even through her hesitance she can’t resist
to see them just once. Slowly she
walks away from the witness stand.
Whispers filter through the room as she does so.
She gazes out the open window before her.
full of flowers grow splashed with sunlight.
A clear blue stream runs through, refreshing and
clean. A tear falls down her face.
She waits for a moment so she can breathe again,
the sight pierces through her.
shaking her head she breathes back in her
emotions. That kind of beauty was not
where she belonged…this was instilled in her.
She had already accepted that she had given
these things long long ago.
She pulls her hood over her head and walks to
the jury. Her face is lowered as she
speaks to them slowly, each word crafted like a
final note of goodbye.
“Nothing's wrong with Enmity. He hides me
from being seen for what I am.” She
nervously combs down her matted locks and wipes
at the dirty streaks on her face. “I
couldn’t walk in that sunlight now or ever.”
She pauses…her face taking a distant stare as
she remembers former days. “Maybe I could
have at one time…” The breeze blows over
her once more with the scent of the roses they
had just kissed.
The witness lets out a final silent inner cry.
“I could have at one time, but not now”,
she spits out bluntly. Turning,she
begins to leave, her head tilted down as she
walks. Nobody sees her face as the dark
hood shadows over it.
She passes by my table and glances up briefly,
looking me square in the eye. For a moment it's
my face I see staring back and chills run
through my spine. She walks on, leaving the
court room behind. Tears fill my eyes as I
watch my childhood friend vanish from the roomthat
“You know me too." Whispers Enmity's voice
through my head. "Just what makes you think you
will never come back to me, Braeden?” I shiver
as my spirit sinks into a hopeless
vulnerability. Perhaps I am always destined to
return to Enmity's side.
Left I look, then right, but no way
seems existent to escape the darkness of Enmity's
The Mind Game
This session plays out over and over again each
time we desperately search for fulfilling love.
Everywhere we look there are witnesses ready to
push us further along, ready to testify in our
own court case whether or not to take the step
into that gray area where so many have gone
before. So we walk up those easy steps and we go
We don’t notice the stench or the dark walls,
and we don’t see the gray man with the filthy
hands and deceitful eyes. When we approach the
gray house instead we see acceptance and love…we
see a vacation place where reality can be
escaped for just a little while; a place where
attention is given and the party never seems to
So we stay a while. And then something
happens…the party doesn’t last. The only problem
adjust to this and we convince ourselvesthatthis
is where we belong. Those images that we start
seeing of ourselves as we pass those mirrors in
the halls, they start reflecting shadows of
Fear of being alone begins to creep into our
beings. We look at the outside and it looks
lonely and unclear. At least here we know what
we are…here we know we have value. The man in
the shadows leaves trails of
empty fulfillment behind him in his wake, but it
doesn’t matter to him. Enmity pours
out more of his numbing drink and we drink it.
The daylight always fills our rooms in the
morning…our hearts are stirred,
than what we’ve accepted for ourselves,yet
it feels impossible to change. We have already
given too much up being where we are. We don’t
deserve that sunny field of roses and love…there
is no such thing as a hero in white saving the
day…romancing our hearts with pure love.
‘It’s impossible to have it anyway’ we say to
ourselves and we pull the shade down. The rays
of longing continue to stream through anywhere
there is space…and call to us over and over
again…”Are you worth loving?” The answer seems
forever lost, so we cover our head in shame.