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Lust of the Flesh 2

 

"The Goodbye Girl"


I cried. The tears poured out at his touch. That same touch that for so long protected me was now killing me deep inside. I glanced at his face from the side…maybe for some hope to the end of this horror but it was clear he didn’t understand. It was clear there wasn’t any going back now.

He was painfully silent. We both got into his truck to drive me home and the drive felt as though I was visiting hell. We drove for miles through the dark night; the only sound was the humming engine of his old Ford truck. We used to joke about how it was the loudest truck around but now the memory struck my stomach in a sickening way.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t ever want to hurt you.” He said, breaking the humming trance. I knew he meant it but I hated him in that moment and I never wanted to talk to him again, or hear his voice…or feel his touch on my arm.




Ironically as can be, rain began to lightly fall, tapping the windshield with a rhythm. I watched, wishing the rain could somehow wash away the pain and bring things back to normal. We pulled up to my apartment and he left the engine idling. He wasn’t even going to walk me in. I hid the choke in my throat and reached for the door latch.

“Hey.” His voice paused in hesitation. My heart leaped with hope. Maybe he had changed his mind, maybe the ride gave him time to think about what he was doing…maybe he wasn’t going to go. “I hope, I hope you can find someone that deserves you. I really hope you find that.”

My head whirled faintly as nausea crept up. I turned to him and looked longingly into his sweet brown eyes. “I wish it could have been you.” I looked down at the floor and put my hand in his, giving it a quick final squeeze, my hand so full of desperateness for his love. “Goodbye.”


Midnight Coffee



I cracked open the truck door and stepped out into the dark night. I purposefully told my heart it must now shut down; it could not lean on him or hope in his love anymore if it was to survive. I began my walk to my door and heard him drive away.  At 5 a.m. Wednesday morning he sent me a text wishing me the best. I deleted it. I deleted his number from my phone. I threw away everything he had ever given me, the way he had thrown away my heart that night at the fair. I couldn’t stand sitting alone at home so I went out.

It was the diner we had always gone to, me and him. Late night talks into the early hours of the morning. The thought of him made me ill but yet somehow being here made me feel not so alone.

I found a quiet seat hidden away from the rest of the world. I ordered coffee and smiled politely to the waitress as I mentioned it was all I was having that night. I felt as though I had gone into an auto pilot mode of existing. The world seemed cruel as I looked around the room. Everyone looked happy and nobody seemed to notice my bleeding heart. I felt forsaken and alone as I stirred my coffee. What was I going to do?

I gazed out the window, my focus on nothing at all as my thoughts danced in a million endless circles. I sat this way for what seemed like an eternity when two bright headlights flashed into my sight, bringing me back to my senses.

I watched as the lights went out and the car door opened. After a moment a tall figure stepped out, a man. He was dressed in the color grey.


CHAPTER 5


(Return from lust of the flesh 2 to Lust verses Love)

 

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